This past school year (yes my calender still goes by school years... idky) I've developed some feelings... feelings that looking back on my history you would excpect.... that's right... I've fallen "in love"... -_-, I always seem to have this thing for the top guys in drama.... it all started with Dan Bator.... and then Dan Dyer and Steinkopf.... (yes I realize that they are all named Dan... BUT THE PATTERN ENDS!) then senior year... and a little bit junior year.... Ben Chodos.... whom I thought to be a god among men.... he was perfect and could do nothing wrong... until the veil was lifted from my eyes and I saw that he was a cheating, lying asshole who didn't deserve any of his past girlfreinds or even me... but now that I'm no longer in high school... you would think that that would be the end of this pattern.... but that is where you'd be wrong my freinds.... I'm in "love" with Joshua Witson.... and it only makes things worse that I'm positive that he'll only ever think of me as a minor freind he had in high school... I feel that I've lost all, if any, chances of ever being more than that....
I realize that I've put love in quotations... I STRONGLY BELEIVE IN LOVE!!!! Let's get that out right now... but I've never known what true love was... the one time I thought I was truely in love it wasn't real... the guy was a compleat jackass and it's a whole other story for a whole other blog... but until I know wheather my feelings are ture... I'll never say I'm in Love.... because I could be wrong and it could all end up like things did with him....
So yes Katie and Katie... I'm "in love" with Josh Witson.... and I don't even know what to think of it.... one part of me is too shy and timid to even talk to him as a freind... but another part of me wants to just lay one on him in the middle of the drama room... and still another part of me wants to take things slow and get to know him better... I know if I don't act now, I may lose any and every chance I have... but just being near him makes me weak in the knees and kinda stupid and stuff... also the fact that he quite litteraly stripped down to just his boxers in front of me like an hour ago doesn't help much... DAHH!!!!! Right now I just feel like downing about twenty Ben and Jerry's and crying myself to sleep... WILL I EVER FUCKING FIND MY PRINCE CHARMING!?!?!?!? DOES HE REALLY EXIST!?!?!?! I know I'm a hopeless romatic, but I want a guy to sweep me of my feet.... which Josh really does.... but it would be nice IF HE KNEW HE WAS DOING IT AND INTENTIONALLY DOING IT!!!! DAMIT!!!! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A GUY THAT I LIKE TO LIKE ME BACK FOR ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE?!?!?!?!?! I'm going to just leav it at that.... and go to bed before I cry and get my eyeliner in my eyes...
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